Walk WITH Jesus
By Jim Reynolds

What To Do For Others In Crisis

 

When the doctor says, “cancer,” when the wife leaves, when the sister dies in an accident, when the job is lost, when the son tells Mom and Dad that his girlfriend is pregnant, we want to help, but often don't know what to do and – tragically – sometimes do nothing.    Though not in the crisis ourselves, we become semi-paralyzed and no help at all.  That's how I was feeling years ago as the demands and tragedies mounted in the lives of the people around me.  Then, during a regular morning “walk with Jesus,” John 11 – the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead -- was opened up to me.

 

•  Unless you can pull off a Jesus-like miracle, respond as quickly as possible.  According to John 11:6 , when Jesus learned that Lazarus was dead, He stayed where He was for two more days.  It seems absurd, almost heartless, but later verses make it clear that Jesus already knew what He was going to do and the delay served His purpose.

 

Crises demand quick responses.  It is why emergency vehicles have lights and sirens and are allowed to break the speed laws.  It's why I've always thought it funny that Superman, in the old television series, explained everything before he did it.  If I could draw, I would have him floating above the city and saying to himself something like, “That missile is headed directly for the Park.  If I can get there fast enough, maybe I can change its trajectory and send it… ooops.”

 

How many times have you thought to yourself, “I really should call, or drop by, but…” and soon talked yourself out of going at all? Or we let so much time go by that it becomes quite uncomfortable to intervene when it is almost “too late.”    If someone we love is flung headlong into a crisis, it is vital that we be standing with them (even if it has to be by phone) as quickly as we can.

 

By the way, not all crises are negative.  A new baby is a wonderful event, but especially for a first time parent, the whole world is often tossed into chaos -- beautiful, not-to-be-traded-for-anything-on-the-planet chaos -- but chaos, nonetheless.  A quick and caring response on the part of the Christ followers near the couple (or single mom) can be powerfully encouraging.  And, if the parent helped does not know Christ, it can lead to significant opportunities for witness.

 

 

•  Provide realistic hope.  When Jesus arrives, He plainly tells Mary and Martha, “Your brother will rise again.”  Then He uses the impending miracle to illustrate His truth: “I am the resurrection and the life… whoever lives and believes in Me will never die.”  Because He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, Jesus could speak this hope. 

 

For those of us who haven't raised the dead lately, the issue is a little more complicated.  Sensitivity to the situation is required, and tact must be used to communicate the reality.  My point is we must not lie, even if it is to spare someone's feelings.  Lying in a crisis, minimizing the harm, often raises expectations to higher levels than possible and often leads to darker hopelessness when the “false hope” is crushed.  I have been on the fringes of a couple of marital explosions.  In one particular case, the spouse was desperate, frantically clutching at every straw, and immensely impatient as reconciliation was sought.  I was later told that one of the most significant things I ever said in that situation was, “This is a process.  I know you want things back like they were, but trust must be rebuilt, and that is going to take time.  You're not going to put everything back overnight.  Get ready for the long haul.”  Indeed, it took years before the couple reconciled, but last I knew, they were enjoying a better marriage than before all the trouble started.

 

Scripture is full of “realistic hope.”  While we can't seriously tell someone just diagnosed with terminal cancer, “I'm sure you'll be up and around in no time,” we can pass on the wonderful hope that in Heaven, we will be whole.  We can explain the process of grief.  We can encourage people to look for the unique ways that God will reveal Himself in the situation.  We can experience the power of prayer as we gather together and bring the needs before the throne of grace.

 

 

•  Don't be afraid to cry and laugh.  The shortest verse in the Bible – “Jesus wept” – has been the source of much debate.  While many of the answers to WHY Jesus cried are interesting and instructive, the simplest answer is that His friends were in pain.  The foreknowledge that He was about to stupefy everyone by raising Lazarus from the dead did not change the current heartache.  On a little different scale, it is the same with us.  Those loved ones who beat us to Heaven's gates are safe, secure, and deliriously joyful in God's Presence.  They are more than resurrected back to this life as Lazarus was.  Yet the empty arms, the photos, and the memories still tug at us and cause us to grieve.  Jesus was compassionately grieving with His friends.  He was fulfilling Rom. 12:15 – “Laugh with those who laugh and cry with those who cry.”

 

Unless a person is hysterical and needs to regain some sense of composure, it is quite healthy to allow them to vent.  It bothers me when people try to soothe others; particularly those in grief, by saying things like “Pull yourself together…  No need for tears…”  I am not a highly emotionally person, but we need to learn to be accepting of others' emotions and to – in a healthy way – join with them.  When we join with them, it often supernaturally lifts the burden, at least a little bit.  When I was in college and faced a particularly difficult and painful decision, I confided in my Sunday School teacher.  I remember nothing of her counsel; I'm not even sure she opened her mouth.  But I do remember she cried with me.  And I remember thinking, “This is mercy… two people tugging at one load.”

I once asked a mentor pastor about tearing up at funerals.  “How can I minister hope and strength and grace to the family when I fear I can barely hold myself together?” I asked.  He told me the only alternative was to become professionally distant and then sarcastically added, “And that's what the family needs, isn't it?”  I got the point.

 

 

•  It will be necessary to be forceful at times.  After the disciples misunderstood Jesus' use of the term “sleep,” Scripture tells us, “So then He told them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead'” ( John 11:14 .)  Later, He took the sisters to task.  After Martha objected to Jesus' instruction to remove the stone, Jesus mildly rebuked her by saying, “Did I not tell you…?”  In the middles of crises, it is not uncommon for those most deeply involved to seize up and to be incapable of making the simplest of decisions.  While we must be careful and sensitive not to overstep our bounds, some decisions simply have to be made.  Years ago, a young lady in our church was involved in a serious rollover accident.  After leaving the scene, I went to the home, broke the news to her younger sister, and rather than waiting for her to make some sort of decision about all of this, I simply put her in my car and took her to the hospital myself.  I also took care of calling their mother.

 

Even the common encouragement to “eat” and “get some rest” must be made with some force behind it at times.  You must push past the shock and numbness that overtakes a person in crisis.

 

 

•  There is not a great parallel in Lazarus's story to my final point, but at an appropriate time, no matter what the outcome of the crisis, help everyone involved to see the hand of God in it.  As Rick Warren says, “God never wastes a hurt.”  So pray and seek Him and look for beauty in the pain.  Often, family members bond more tightly.  Some people, when they come out the other side, have a new appreciation for life.  And, certainly, God Himself will reveal Himself in a unique-to-the-situation manner. 

I don't have any of the “important” letters behind my name and I've only been in ministry a relatively short amount of time, but I hope these practical thoughts have been helpful.  For me, they have been invaluable.  No matter the crisis, I also, of course, try to remember to… 

 

 

Walk WITH Jesus,

 

  Jim