My daddy was never a part of my life growing up. My parents divorced when I was three. I knew my father had spent a lot of time in jail and this was the reasons our mother left him. All my sister and I knew about my dad was what our mother had told us, and that was never anything good.
When I was in 10 th grade, he was in prison again. I received a letter from him telling me he was about to get out of jail and wanted to see me. He had beautiful handwriting and started the letter out with “Dear Honey”. When he got out of prison, our mother took, Melinda my younger sister and myself to meet him at the Truck Stop in Rockwall , Texas . We pulled into the truck stop and there were many trucks there. I could not help but wonder which truck was his. I went inside and there he was sitting in a round red booth in the back of the restaurant. There I was fixing to have dinner with my real father. We talked about my childhood, school, grandparents, and how my riding was going. I had been riding in the rodeo since I was thirteen. I learned he liked horses as much as I did. I wish I could have told him it was hell living with my mother. However, my mother was there, so I could not tell him how she beat us and left us with friends and family to raise us, so it was best to leave the truth out. mom had already warned us not to tell anyone she had taken us to see my real father, especially my step-dad. We knew what her warnings meant. If we said the wrong thing, we would get the hell beat out of us when we got home. As we got ready to leave, we went out to see his rig. He lifted me up and put me in his truck, so I could see what it looked like inside. I could have left with him then just to get away from my mother!
I did not see or hear from him again until I was twenty-nine years old. He was driving for a trucking company out of North Carolina heading to California . He was making a stop in Dallas , so he called my grandparents and was able to get in touch with mom. We met again for the second time; I was really hoping this time we could to stay in touch. With his life as a trucker and trouble with the law, we lost touch. It would be years before I would see him again.
I started looking for him again in summer 2002. I was forty-two by then. I called information, searched on the internet and did everything I could to find him. In the fall of 2002, I was walking through the house and was talking to my son who suggested I call information; I replied, “I already have many times, matter of fact”. He said, “Mom, just give it one more try.” That was the best advice I ever took from anyone. I called information and asked for a “Buddy Moore in Forest City , North Carolina .” The operator connected me to a number. I was surprised when a lady, who turned out to be my step-mom, Elaine, answered the phone. I asked her if she knew a man name Clarence a.k.a. Buddy Moore . She said, yes, he was sitting there next to her. She asked me if I wanted to talk to my dad. I could not believe it. I had found my dad.
The next thing I knew I was on the phone with him. I learned about my extended family and learned I had two more sisters, Shauna and Christine.
I went to North Carolina to see him that Christmas. We pulled up in his driveway. He was coming out the door to meet us. I saw a skinny, six foot three inch tall, green-eyed man. He had on blue jeans, a blue shirt and a white cowboy hat. He was my daddy. He was so loving, kind, and gentle. We went on walks together and horseback riding. We played cards and checkers. He was different now; more mature, older and wiser. It started snowing while I was there. The snow in North Carolina is nothing like what we see here in Texas . It was white, big flakes, and it fell hard up to three or four inches. That was a lot of snow for me. The snow covered the trees and mountains. It was soft, and we could have real snowball fights, make a snowman, and make snow angels. There we all were my sister and I, our kids and daddy all playing in the snow as a family. This time daddy and I kept in touch. We would travel back and forth to see each other for the next three years to see each other.
It was in November 2004 out of tragedy I would also experience one of the best memories of my life. I went back to North Carolina because my sister Shauna had been killed in a car accident. The day after her funeral, daddy and I went riding our horses together. We rode for quite a while. We rode through the mountains, the hill, even down to the house he grew up in. I guess it was our way of handling our grief together. It is still to this day one of the best memories of my life. It was a special moment for me because it was just daddy and me riding together. It was also the last thing we ever did together.
Six months later daddy found out he had cancer. Small Cell Carcinoma was his cancer. The cancer had already spread throughout out his body before the doctors found it. He spent several months trying to beat it. I thought he would beat it, too. I was wrong.
On, November 6, 2006 at 7 p.m., I got a call that he was in hospice. My daughter and I left Mesquite , Texas at 3 a.m. the next morning and drove to North Carolina non-stop except for a couple of restroom breaks. I spoke with him twice on the phone; he just wanted to know I was on my way. When we got to the hospital, the nurse let us in. She said, “Honey, he's been waiting and asking for you.” When we got to his room he gave us one of his big bear hugs. He told me, “I love you and always have. I'm sorry I was not around when you were growing up.” That is what he said to me. Then he laid his head in my hands and went to sleep for his final time. My daddy died ten minutes after we got to the hospital. I am happy we were able to say good-bye to each other. He died November 7, 2006, one year and one day after Shauna died.
The reason he stayed away when I was a child was because, of the shame he felt for being in prison and not being around as we grew up. My only regret is that he felt that shame. He turned out to be a great dad, and I really miss him. My dad left this world at peace with himself, God, his kids and grandkids. Most of all, there was no more shame in his life or his relationship with his kids or grandkids. I know my, daddy was coved by God's amazing grace.
There is nothing like a father's love. I cannot wait to ride along side my daddy again one day, and to be with my heavenly DADDY, as well.