SEAGULLS OR GEESE?

Some parenting counsel for mothers (and dads) from Jenny Baxter

Seagulls are such squawky birds! I have many childhood memories of eating fish and chips (fries) at the beach. We used to throw left-over chips to the seagulls who frequent our beaches here in Australia in droves. The silly birds would fight and tussle for every chip we threw! Each one would grab and snatch, and selfishly look out for himself. Often the older, more experienced birds would get the most chips – they were the best at fighting! We would try and rectify this by throwing our tidbits close to the young or injured ones so they wouldn't miss out. But more often the not, the able-bodied birds would win the prize.

 

Canada geese area another matter altogether. Travelling to North America some years ago I was fascinated to discover some of their habits. Of course, I already knew about their famous ‘V' formation, but hadn't realized that the lead bird is only there taking the full force of the wind for a short time before moving to the back of the line to be relieved by another. I also learnt that geese constantly honk encouragement to one another, and watch over the smaller, weaker birds who may need assistance.

There is such an enormous contrast between the habits of these two bird species. Seagulls are selfish, greedy and bossy. Geese are cooperative, supportive and encouraging. Who would have thought that such human characteristics would be evident in the bird kingdom?

Family Characteristics

I have also noticed that human families roughly fall into two similar categories – some are like seagulls and others are like geese. A seagull family can be squawky and bossy, and the individual members are often left to fend for themselves. Geese families however, work together, share the load with one another and offer encouragement, helping those family members who are in trouble.

All families fall into both categories at various points in their day-to-day lives. The question is, how do we nurture our families so they tend more towards goose-like behavior? Naturally, parents determine the family culture – and frequently (although not always) it is up to us mothers to make plans for change and implement them.

So don't get your feathers ruffled! Here are some ideas for you mothers reading this (although Dads are most welcome – after all what's good for the goose is good for the gander!) Hopefully these ideas will help your family transition from Seagull to Goose!

•  Take the lead

If you want to help your family become more goose-like, then it is important for you (and your husband) to model ‘goosey' behavior. This is where you need to become self-aware. Start taking note of how much you exercise patience, kindness, and gentleness. Try and develop these attributes in yourself, and it is more than likely that your family will begin to do these things also

 

•  Listen

Everyone likes to be heard. Instead of being the one who talks the most, close your mouth for a while and see what others say. Ask open-ended questions (the type that require more than a yes/no answer), and wait for a response. Don't be afraid of silences while you wait for an answer, as people (children especially) often need time to formulate their thoughts.

 

•  Use your quiet voice

Have you noticed that when you raise your voice, everyone around you starts to raise their voice too? This just creates noise! Change tack every so often and talk softly. Even take a child to one side to give him or her an instruction directly and quietly. This is often a far more effective form of getting a message through than yelling. Have fun with little ones teaching them to whisper – definitely a good skill to have mastered when you are in a quiet place (eg. Church or hospital), and quiet voices are required.

 

•  Read body language

Understand how your children work. Sometimes cross and cranky behavior is not related to the presenting cause, but something else. Don't go on a wild goose chase. Maybe your teen is not being rebellious – behavior like this could easily be caused by a stomach ache, a bad day at school or a fight with a friend. This is where listening is such a great skill to have developed.

 

•  Understand your family's noises

As my children were growing I learnt to become aware of a certain high-pitched frenzy that happened every so often…mostly when we had other young ones come to visit. This level of excitement looked innocent, but if it continued for more than a few minutes, invariably someone got hurt. Things changed the day I decided to alert my kids by saying, “Everyone calm down now! If you don't stop, someone will get hurt soon!” I then offered another distraction or alternative which gave them another outlet for fun and enjoyment.

 

•  Affirm positive behavior

Often kids play up because they are trying to get your attention. So what's the best thing to do? Start ‘catching them doing good'. As soon as they share a toy with a friend, offer kind words, or do something else worthy of praise, let them know. They will soon get the message and try to do good things in order to get your attention.

 

•  Let your kids to see you working with others well

Geese work together as a team. They share the load. They bear one another's burdens. Let your children see you doing this with other adults around you. Talk about teams and how they work. Encourage them to think about their contribution, which makes the whole team great.

 

•  L-O-V-E them

Finally, the most important life-changer of all; LOVE your family. This means saying ‘no' to the inner voice which says you need those five extra minutes of sleep; or having to get off your comfortable chair for the sixth time to chat quietly about what exactly happened to make a small sister cry; or asking those awkward questions about why they were so late home. All these small sacrifices are expressions of LOVE.

 

In Galatians 6:2 the Bible encourages us to “bear one another's burdens”. Perhaps the is the essence of goose-like behaviour is to carry the load for one another, even when things are tough.

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Jenny Baxter and her husband Stephen live in Tasmania Australia, and have five children ranging in age from 25 to 14 – at one stage they had a 12, 8, 7, 3 and 1 year old all living under the same roof! While they aspired to ‘goosey' behaviour, some days were indeed very seagull like. The older three have now left home and live in cities along the east coast of Australia.