FREEDOM FROM CONTROL

Freedom must be connected to love or it isn't freedom. You may have heard some philosophical phrases like, “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.” Or “If you set a person free and they remain or return, they love you.”

If someone tells you, “You are free to do whatever you want.” that sounds like freedom. And it is good when that freedom is executed within proper boundaries and the other person is supportive, loving and sincerely interested in your venture. But is it true freedom when the response to your stepping out is punishment? Does the above statement come with a price? “You are free to do whatever you want unless I don't like It.” may be more accurate in some cases.

If you have experienced this type of false freedom it is really a prison with invisible walls. Within this prison, you are only free to pursue your friends, goals, worship, etc. if you are willing to pay an emotional price…and this price is too high for anyone to pay. True freedom is the opportunity to choose in safety. When love is present it creates a safety net allowing us to choose the best, most equitable and reasonable choices. This in turn allows loving choices to be made even though there may be risk involved. The risk is understood by all, but shared faith in a positive outcome strengthens your bond, reducing any fear of failure.

Are you in the clutches of a controlling person? Is there demand for extreme complete exposure without reciprocation? Do not let the words of a controlling spouse or friends confuse you; their love for you is questionable, but without question, they love themselves. Have you heard over and over, “Do it my way because I am trying to protect you.”? Who are they trying to protect?   That statement unraveled is actually, “Do it my way so you can provide protection for me.”  

Neither party is free . Therefore whatever love is available will eventually dwindle down to resentment, which can lead to bitterness. Eventually anger will grip you as the prison walls begin to close in. Ephesians 4 says, “Let all bitterness, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice: and be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.”

The controlling person believes that their way is the only right way. If you try to present an idea, about anything, they try to prove it to be inferior.

You have a responsibility to guard your heart, Proverbs 4 says, “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the issues of life.” In James 4 it says, “…God gives grace to the humble but resists the proud.” So we see just from these two verses that we must never be puffed up as a victim, but we must protect our spirit.

Then when dealing with the anger that billows throughout our heart from day to day, forgiveness comes up before us - knowing we are required to forgive. Just remember that ‘forgiveness' does not mean ‘enable'. We are never required to enable sin. Wait for the right time, and then speak the truth in love, Ephesians 4:15.

If you are not free today and dealing with control issues, may I suggest going on a spiritual fast? You do not need to give up all food to have a successful fast; there are many types of fasting. Pray about what to do, and stay continually in the word by reading your Bible and otherwise taking-in the word of God. Isaiah 58 says, “Is this not the fast I have chosen; to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?”

John 16 says, “When the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth…and show you things to come.”

God is faithful and loving and has a good plan for your life. “He is the way the truth and the life…” John 14:6

“And you will know the Truth

and the Truth will set you free.”

  John 8:32

*Recommended reading: Boundaries , Boundaries in Marriage , and other series, written by Cloud and Townsend; www.cloudtownsend.com

Sher's Bio

Sher Walker is a Master Artist for the media arts. She began her career in 1984 as a production assistant in television. In 1985 she attended The Research Council of Makeup Artistry School for Film, and established her career in Dallas , Texas as a freelance makeup artist.

Her 20+ year career has taken her around the globe designing camera-ready-image for movie stars, rock stars, politicians, religious leaders, athletes and CEO's. Her work is seen on nationally broadcast programs, magazine and book covers.

Sher is an author and speaker, sharing inspiration for sound living, the importance of servant hood, and of course, makeup tips! She is also a guest speaker/instructor for major universities.

Divorced with one son and remarried with three step children, Sher resides in the Dallas , TX area balancing family and career.

**If what you have read here has impacted your life, I would be glad to hear from you! Please send me a quick email at Sher@DesignBySher.com