What Team Jersey Do You Wear?  

I have been pondering the true meaning of freedom for about six months now. That may seem unusual but in doing so I think that I may have discovered flaws, errors in my thinking and belief system, tics deeply embedded in my heart. There has been a niggling in my spirit that has brought about a falling back from my safe place. My whole spirit has been regrouping, like I have been licking the wounds that ache deeply, but I am doing it on my own.

For many years I had believed that I was completely and utterly set free from the shackles that kept me in bondage to the enemy. But, God, being God, peeled back yet another layer that needed to be exposed. Oh, I do not like what I am seeing at all!!!! He has chosen to allow this painful and loss-filled process to teach me, and, yes, test me. God has placed me in utter need, naked before Him.   Will I trust Him and accept His offer of freedom?

In her book, having a Mary Spirit, Joanna Weaver states, "Having a Mary Spirit is meant to show us how to give God access to the deep, hidden corners of our hearts . Those dark, sin-ridden parts of our lower nature that continually cause us to stumble when we so desperately want to walk in the light. Those secret, not-so-silent kingdoms Christ came to conquer as well as redeem. So that we can be made holy as He is holy. Changed from the inside out. I don't know your situation . I don't know what God is walking you through right now. But I suspect He's been stirring in you a divine discontentment---a hunger for something more, a desire to be something more...He only stirs us when He wants to change us. He only makes us feel uneasy with where we are so we're willing to do whatever it takes to get to where He is."

Need is where God meets us...when we are uncomfortable and the ache is so profound we can barely breathe, that is the place we surrender and God grants us freedom. I am being forced to face, head-on, one of my biggest fears. And that has given rise to the question of where I had been placing my security in the first place. Of course, as long as I repent and obey, my Father, my Daddy who always has open arms for me, faults, tics and all, already knew that. He already knew that deep down there had been this particular crack that needed patching. Oh, how difficult when we believe one thing about ourselves and find it to be untrue . Joanna Weaver states, "Like the citadel of Sardis , we all have fault lines that run through our souls. Weak spots in our psyches that may go undetected ---or simply ignored---for years. Living high above the fissures, we may function fairly well in our outer lives. In fact, we may appear as strong and invincible as King Croesus felt. Never acknowledging our vulnerability or the need to guard against potential attack. These are the very places Satan searches for when he prowls around "like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour " (1 Peter 5:8).   Because when the enemy can't storm the gate of our salvation , he looks for a break in the wall, even the tiniest crack. A weak spot he can exploit."

So, all this time I have been living what I thought was the life of a free woman !!! Free!!! Then, a situation out of my control, one that I desperately wanted to direct and control, was foisted upon me, and suddenly my insides felt like cold mashed potatoes on a stone floor! I have been wondering what team I have been on all this time. What jersey was I pulling over my head? Weaver states, "It's time to put off the old and put on the new, as Paul puts it in Ephesians 4:22,24: "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires ... and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Unfortunately, too often we try to put on the new over the old. Unwilling to let go of the tired and the familiar, we try to camouflage our old selves under spiffy new togs. But it just doesn't work. We end up looking rumpled and uncomfortable, struggling to move rather than able to run free."

My greatest desire now is to clothe myself in the comfort and warmth of Christ's love ---to regain the freedom and to let go of the belief that I need to control any of this situation. The jersey that I am donning will spell FREEDOM... in CHRIST ONLY!

---

Michele's Bio:

Michele is a freelance writer for Heartbeatthemagazine.com. She writes for various venues, such as: her blog site, twitter and revelife. She also does blog book reviews for Multnomah Press on her blog site.
Michele has a Master's Degree in Counseling and works in the public school system. That experience has afforded her a God's-eye view into the world's empty promises.
She is the mother of a 24 year old son, who is undeniably God's greatest gift on earth to her.
Michele divides her “free” time among several interests: jazzercise, kickboxing, running, cross-country skiing reading and writing.
Her most satisfying experiences though, are teaching and conveying the perfect Word of God to hurting and broken women. There is nothing quite as exciting as witnessing the spiritual dawning that occurs when God reveals His forgiveness and power in someone's life.
You may contact Michele through this magazine at: www.feedback@heartbeatthemagazine.com or at www.xanga.com/catzndogz9
She welcomes your sincere comments and suggestions.