Dear Blue,

My husband and I try really hard to parent in a way that pleases God. Our sons are 13 and 11, and we have never allowed them to watch any TV show or movie that contains foul language or violent behavior. Obviously, this seriously limits our TV and movie time, and we have been thinking lately that we really want to be able to sit down and enjoy movies as a family. Can we do that without exposing our sons to inappropriate content? I really need your advice.

Concerned in AK

Dear Concerned,

In the way of "advice", I can only tell you how things work for us, with the understanding that each family is unique and there isn't one "right way" to do things. Parenting is something God works out in each family with a lot of prayer and reading of the Word and patience (LOTS of that!) while God continues to parent US. 

As for our family, we read books and watch TV shows and movies that contain everyday real life, and that includes some violent behavior and unsavory language. It doesn't include pornographic material, obviously, and we wouldn't allow our kids to sit and watch a love scene where inappropriate activity and/or body parts were visible, etc. but we have found that listening to occasional foul language really only gives our kids an opportunity to see and hear how inappropriate it is, and to be reminded that God calls to refrain from such language.

For this same reason, we have read Harry Potter books and watched the movies together, like we have watched many other movies together ("The Holiday" would be a good example) and had open family discussions on what was appropriate behavior vs. what was inappropriate, what God would've had a certain character do, whether an action or attitude presented was Godly or not, etc.

This type of family screening has only served to bring us closer to one another as a family, and has allowed our children the opportunity to express questions and opinions in a safe environment where we knew the answers to their questions would be met with prayerful thought, as opposed to them being exposed to this kind of thing at some time and place when we weren't there to buffer or point them in the right direction.

We always endeavor to bring our children back to Philippians 4:8, which says “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” as their guiding principle for everything they see, hear, or participate in. My belief is that as long as offensive language is incidental and not oppressively frequent, the benefit of family sharing and learning outweighs the negative of exposure. That said, I would caution against using this same method with younger children, particularly those who have trouble discerning good and bad behavior and language, or those who have trouble discussing it in a beneficial and helpful way. Obviously this would be a call only an intuitive parent could make for his or her own children.

In all things, I would encourage you to build within your children the desire and lifelong habit of continual Asking, Seeking, and Knocking.

In Him,

Blue