Dear Blue,

My 17-year-old son is terrorizing our family so badly that we are considering placing him into a group home. It tears my heart out to think about doing this, but his four younger siblings are now afraid of his violent moods and unpredictable behavior, and I'm beginning to believe this is the only way to protect our other children. I'm just not confident that I'm doing what is best for my son.

Broken in Iowa

Dear Broken,

Sometimes the most loving act is the hardest one to do—and that is especially true when it comes to parenting. The term “tough love” has been bandied about and used to justify many an unkind action, but there is ample truth behind the term if it is based on Godly principles.

My guess is that your son feels out of control, which is why he is perpetrating his own form of control over the entire family (particularly younger siblings who are easier to victimize). The best thing you can do for him is to show him how a strong family operates within healthy boundaries.

One thing is certain: allowing him to continue to terrorize your home will do no one any good—and stands a strong chance of doing everyone harm. I'm sure you've already been seeing the results of his ill treatment. The loving mother in you keeps hoping you'll awaken one morning and he will have somehow naturally outgrown this distasteful behavior. Unfortunately that is rarely the case.

If there is to be a significant and lasting change, you are the pivotal person in this situation. Yes, it will be extremely difficult, but you may need to ask yourself if you love your son enough to take the tough road rather than the easy one. Be prepared for some people to tell you you're being too harsh. There will even be some with ready jabs that “it's about time!”

Regardless of what those around you do or say, my advice is to keep praying, keep your focus on Christ and what He is leading you to do, stay strong and courageous in word and action, and always keep asking, seeking, and knocking.

Blessings,

Blue