Why Are Couples Opposites?

Did you ever notice that married people are usually two very different people? I used to think it was just a bad joke God played on us. My husband and I were so attracted to each other when we first laid eyes on each other. Physically we were pretty close to the same. No, we didn't look alike but we were physically fit and seemed to look good together.

I was attracted to his “take charge” personality but once we were married I resented that he wanted to control everything! He liked my outgoing personality but after we married he wanted me to be less social. EEEK! Then the trouble started. What had we gotten into?

So was this a sick joke God played on us? After twenty plus years I realize that if we had been identical neither of us would have grown. Today we are both better people because of that iron sharpening iron . Did I enjoy all that sharpening –ABSOLUTELY NOT! I went kicking and screaming almost the whole way.

There was a time when we were separated for over a year. I was so very happy on my own even praising God for the divorce I was about to get. I knew I really had no grounds for divorce. But like many thinking God wants us to be “happy” I thought it would be better. I knew God would not allow me to remarry but I was going to be okay with that, until one day I was praying and thanking God for the divorce. Yes I did!

Then I heard loud and clear in my head, “ I don't want that! ” I was scared to death! I asked, “What do you want?” And God said, “I want you to love him.” I immediately started crying. “I hate him.” I sobbed. Then God gently told me,” I want you to treat him as though you felt love for him.” Realizing I couldn't say no to God, I agreed.

This didn't exactly start out with the right attitude as I called my husband to tell him what God said. He was upset that I wasn't going through with the divorce. Determined not to be a loser in this situation, I explained how I saw things.

•  If he divorced me, I'd have peace in my house.

•  If we got back together and nothing changed, I'd have half my bills paid.

•  If we did what God wanted, I'd be the happiest woman on earth.

It took a definite decision to not go with feelings. So, we started seeing each other and then we went on mission trips to Central America . After just over a month I realized God had given me a love for my husband. I “acted” like I loved him. Some people find that hypocritical. But I challenge that person to ask God what He'd prefer- to feel like doing something or to just do it . I don't know of any scripture that says to obey God when you feel like it. How about the Ten Commandments? They really aren't the ten suggestions!

God uses the things that are different and possibly irritating to change people in a marriage. This is a place not so much to be happy (that's nice too) but more so to be holy! God is not concerned with our happiness as much as He is concerned with our holiness. Nowhere will you find scripture that says “Be thou happy for I am happy”.

How can we be a helper to our spouse if we are just like them? Start to look at the things that irritate you and just maybe that is an area that God wants to “fix” in you. I have learned great patience and things don't bother me like they did twenty years ago. Sin should bother us. I am not talking about that. If your spouse is sinning against you, they are sinning against God too. Take it to Him. He has the answers. But love is always the answer. A kind word turns away wrath. Don't be partner to sin but always remain “ Christ like”.

I am no longer validated by my husband, but by my God. Insecurity is gone. Well there are times when it tries to come back but I recognize it now. My husband is not the control freak he used to be either. We've changed for the better because we were different. We have helped each other be more Christ like. Prayer does change situations. If it won't change the other person, it WILL change you! Guaranteed!

Do what you know is right and the feelings will follow. Maybe not immediately but they will come. If the other person doesn't follow suit then you will know that God is watching and He will be waiting to say “Well done, good and faithful servant” on that glorious day when we meet Him face to face.

Just think how wonderful that will be when all that you have done and sacrificed will be acknowledged. Don't listen to those who may want to call you a martyr. Today I can stand victorious knowing I did what God wanted even though “Christians” told me differently and mocked me. I am still married and deeply in love with my husband. He loves me and we are serving God, not ourselves! It may seem easy to us but there is a way that seems right to people but leads to destruction. Let us follow the ways of the Lord.

To be a good mate, one must serve God. To be a good friend, one must serve God. To be a good anything,g one must serve God. That's all that matters anyway.

Serve God with all your heart, your mind, and your soul and you'll never regret it – EVER!

Conceived when 8 men attacked her mom, Juda travels the world sharing her message of life and forgiveness. Speaker, singer/songwriter, minister and author, she reaches out to all those who are burdened down with unforgiveness. Juda has been married twenty years with three grown children and 2 grandchildren and one more on the way.

Juda Myers Freedom Ministries
Author of Hostile Conception Living With Purpose

www.juda4praise.com

juda@juda4praise.com

Juda is available for speaking and singing with an encouraging life changing message.
Phone: 281.451.8460