MOTHER
IS IT EVER TOO LATE?

This article is not for you if you have the ‘sweet deal': You had a great supportive and loving mother, you found it easy to conceive after marriage and are a good mother yourself, and maybe you even got a great mother-in-law! Count your blessings because you have a ‘sweet deal'. There is no replacement for a great mother.

For the rest of us : those with mean mothers, those who are infertile, and those who were abandon or orphaned… is it ever too late?

I have a friend who has, I think, the meanest mother in the world . From the time Cherie was very young, her mother seemed to hate her. She ordered her around, slapped her around, but worse, called her names so foul, I cannot print them here. Yes, called her horrible degrading names, not once, but continually. I am surprised that Cherie didn't turn out to be a crazy serial killer! Many women who suffer this type of abusive treatment do turn on themselves and self destruct. Her only hope of having a normal life was in Jesus Christ and learning how much he loved her. She is now in her forties, the mother of 4 boys, and is one terrific mother!! But there was a day, many days, she was hurt and angry. Through counseling and drawing close to Jesus, she can now just blow off the hateful ways of her mother and go about her life. God has raised her up to stand against the hidden lies beneath the cloak of abortion, championing women to allow themselves, or someone else, to experience motherhood. Cherie is one of my heroes.

My own mother was physically and emotionally abusive . Before the age of 6 she beat me so much that I had to be taken away to my grandmother's house, and as a young child, I didn't know if I would ever return. But one day, I went home and things were better; but she ignored me or caused me to feel like a huge burden if I did need anything. As a teen, I really needed my mother, but she was just not available to me. There are many mothers with many types of faults and levels of wrong-doing.

When Ann's father died, her mother seemed to disappear from her life . She became self absorbed and busy with work. She just couldn't be a mother too, leaving Ann feeling frustrated and abandoned.

If you have a mom who has let you down, it is a sad place in your heart. Thoughts of, “If only”, is such a waste of time, although you have had at least a few of these moments. My husband asked me one time if I could change anything in my past, what it would be. My answer was that I would have different parents. I would have wealthy, healthy, loving and supportive parents who really cared about me and my future. So many of you know what I am talking about.

I divorced when my son was four years old, so I was also a single mother for ten years. Single mothers with young children have no one to wave a flag of appreciation in their honor. Mother's Day is often a difficult day for you because you give so much and love so deeply and who really knows all that you sacrifice? Knowing that one day your kiddos will appreciate you is little consolation now. Hopefully, you will have that “one day”, when you can be celebrated properly. Just keep doing what you know is right; sowing good seed will always reap a good harvest. This also goes for the step-mother … I know. I am now a step-mom of three! Being a step-mom is the toughest job in the world! I don't even look for appreciation! I just keep trying to do the right thing and pray that all of my children will know righteousness.

For the women who longed to carry a child and give birth, who vowed to be a great mother, if you could just be one; your pain is deep and lonely. Every restaurant with high chairs and each day care facility you pass, the reminders are everywhere. Avoiding church on Mother's Day is easier than watching and hearing the accolades of the pastor for, “All the wonderful mothers”, in the congregation and never being acknowledged. No one knows the desperation or the sleepless nights you have dealt with, wondering if you will get some good news next month.

There should be joy associated with this holiday we call Mother's Day, but for many it is bittersweet. Scars you have buried are ignored - until touched by this holiday and suddenly you are reminded that there are tender places in your life. Why are you singled out to never give birth? How can you celebrate a person who has harmed you? How can you honor a person who doesn't like you? You can't, not in your own power or with your emotions. There is no way to understand why you bear the cross you bear. The only way to do it is by faith.

My mother died in 2006 and even now, Mother's Day carries with it a haunting…a wondering. I try to not take this holiday too serious. That is how I deal with it. I found a place of thanksgiving in the midst of all the swirling emotions and etiquette and proper ceremony.

Years ago I did an exercise in ‘finding thanks' that has stayed with me and has helped me. I simply tried to think of ANY thing that I could be thankful for, or at least positive, associated with my mom. Okay, here is my list:

She kept our home clean.

She didn't drink or go partying.

She went to church some of the time.

She stopped hitting me.

In her later years she was much nicer to me. (I think she realized what she had missed out on.)

Finding even one thing to be thankful for will help your heart . Trust me, thankfulness is your biggest gun against pain . It demoralizes the enemy, sheds light on the darkness that is upon the situation and softens your emotions. Thankfulness brings a measure of peace to your life.

I challenge you to make your own list. It is never too late to experience healing. It is never too late to cast your care on the One who can carry it all. It is never too late to live in the present and leave the past behind. It is never too late to be thankful.

Philippians 4:6, 7 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving , continue to make your wants known to God. 7 And God's peace shall be yours , that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Sher's Bio

Sher Walker is a Master Artist for the media arts. She began her career in 1984 as a production assistant in television. In 1985 she attended The Research Council of Makeup Artistry School for Film, and established her career in Dallas , Texas as a freelance makeup artist.

Her 20+ year career has taken her around the globe designing camera-ready-image for movie stars, rock stars, politicians, religious leaders, athletes and CEO's. Her work is seen on nationally broadcast programs, magazine and book covers.

Sher is an author and speaker, sharing inspiration for sound living, the importance of servant hood, and of course, makeup tips! She is also a guest speaker/instructor for major universities.

Divorced with one son and remarried with three step children, Sher resides in the Dallas, TX area balancing family and career.

**If what you have read here has impacted your life, I would be glad to hear from you! Please send me a quick email at Sher@DesignBySher.com .