The Big Picture

If I have learned anything about God in my Christian walk, I would have to say that it is that God works in our lives on so much more of a big scale than we could ever imagine. We often get down with some of the situations that come our way because we simply see the here-and-now of what is taking place. Personally, when things come my way that are less than favorable, such as a death of a loved one, I try to keep things in perspective, remembering that as the Bible says, His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts. I have to remind myself that my human mind is only seeing the little picture while God is seeing the big picture. What best reminds me of this is the little picture-in-a-picture on a TV. You have the big screen, which is the major preferred show you are watching, but you also have the little screen inset in that big picture to show you what is happening on another particular TV show you are interested in. The only thing is in the inset picture, you are not seeing all of the fine details as obviously it is but a small capture of what is taking place, but in the big screen, the big picture you are watching, you are seeing it all zoomed in and very visibly clear.

Many people do not know that I have a 37-year-old brother who is severely mentally retarded. He is a very sweet young man. He has been in a developmental institution since the age of 6. He has never spoke except to say “yay/nay.” He has never walked. He is and has constantly been in one or two positions, in a wheelchair or lying in a bed. He smiles, laughs, and cries just like the rest of us. He has not eaten solid food since about the age of 23. He has a feeding tube in as he kept getting aspiration pneumonia from his food going down into his lungs. With regard to his intelligence level, each year, my mother receives his evaluation wherein they inform her that he has a 1 -2 year child mental equivalent.

Now, to many of you reading this, at least the compassionate, after reading the above, you probably find yourself saying something like “awwh.” This is the usual response from most people when they see him. The good thing is that most kind people bend over backwards to open doors for his wheelchair, etc... I guess his condition brings out the good in people. To me, there is not a time that goes by when I see him that I do not think of how much we take for granted. For the longest time even, when I would visit my brother, I'd always leave feeling bad about having normal children, a home… basically a life, but I don't anymore for I know God had a purpose in mind when He created him, yes even in that state of being, and I know that while I am not there everyday to see His purpose being fulfilled, He is being used by God in whatever capacity God desires. I cannot begin to tell you the people, even his caregivers who have told my family that my brother, Bimbo, is their inspiration!

But twice a year, the caregivers where he has been for the last 31 years load him up in a humongous handicapped-equipped chair and bring him down to our little town to visit with us. We usually meet at our local Shoney's Restaurant since we cannot bring him to my mother's, my sister's, or my home as we are not handicapped accessible with a ramp, etc. I truly do not even think his wheelchair would fit through any of our doors. But when he arrives, I always think about the President's motorcade arriving. They unload him on an elevator type thing that is attached to the back of the van. It reminds me of Christmas time when he arrives as people seem nicer when he arrives. I often wonder if those that see him entertain the same thoughts that I do…from us taking our health, et cetera, for granted right down to stirring our compassion for all people, not just ones like my brother.

As related to my brother, my mother, has always felt that life dealt her such a bad hand. How often I have heard my mother tell someone about the unfairness she has received in life, from having a father who beat her mother and her and her sisters and brother and denied them food, to then marrying my father and losing him to her best friend, her next door neighbor, to then her mother/father dying (though she has never missed her father); then her 13-year-old brother dying from a brain aneurysm, to my mother herself having all kinds of medical problems that limit her, to you guessed it, having a son that is mentally retarded. I've never asked my mother, but I am sure throughout various times in her life, she has asked God “why,” or at least that is my guess.

On another note…My sister and I married triplet brothers from the same family and literally survived an ordeal that I am not sure anyone would believe. My mother and father watched from the sidelines during mine and my sisters' marriage to the triplet brothers, never knowing if the last time they saw us was going to be just that…the last time they saw us breathing. I think that is probably all the explanation you need to realize the severity of the danger associated with their behavior. This was extremely difficult on my sister and me emotionally as we had always lived in secure environments, never living in fear, never having been physically abused or emotionally abused up until that point. I personally remember telling God with the last big fear of my husband threatening to kill me, that if He made a way for my escape, I would leave my husband, and that's just what I did!

And thereafter, after I had gotten out of the situation, safe, and could reflect on the still somewhat shocking situation I had lived through, things started to take form. While not really the purpose for my brother was that stressful situation, the puzzle did start to come together for me. By now, I was 31 and talking to my mother one day when I said, “You do not have any idea how blessed you are, mother, even though Bimbo is incapacitated as he is!” My mother asked what I meant. I said something to this effect, “Your son/my brother may have the mind equivalent of a 1-2 year old child and he may not be able to walk or talk except to say, “yay/nay”, and he may not be able to run and play or tell you things like “I love you, mother,” but you know where he is every night. You know that he has caregivers around the clock who meet his needs. You know that your son is not out driving drunk or raising a ruckus at a bar or messing with someone's wife and the worry associated with that of getting shot or killed. You know that he is not high on drugs, doing illegal activities. You KNOW of his secure environment, how protected he is each day and night, and that to me, after what I have just lived through is nothing short of a blessing! Can you imagine the worry and stress that the triplets' mother faces each day on a regular basis? For her, it's been numerous court appearances, restraining orders, assault charges, worry about them out drinking and driving, worry until 3 a.m. each night, when the bars close, wondering if they are okay and will come home alive.” My mother responded to this effect, “You know I just never looked at it that way. If I had had to deal with even just one son like that I would have never have survived it… the stress and worry associated with it. I see what you mean!!!” And at that moment, I believe God got a clear message through to my mother in that He spared her from more worry than her mind could imagine! She had just simply NEVER looked at my brother's situation for anything past what was the obvious to her… unfair! For years, she looked at the “picture in a picture” and believed that was the sum of it! This was particularly alarming to me by now because the men we married loved to argue, drink and then fight in bars. I honestly believe had my brother have been normal when my sister and I married the triplets, he would have lost his life, been killed by not just the two, by the total triplet set, and in total honesty here, if I had to choose between having my brother in the state that he is and has been for all these years versus watching him lose his life over mine and my sisters bad choices, I'd certainly choose to have him as he is. At least with him alive, I can hug him and tell him I love him. Obviously, I would not be able to if he was in the ground.

In summation, the Bible tells us that God put the “world” in us so that we could not understand His ways. Our simple minds simply cannot fathom why God does what He does, but one thing we do know is that He does everything He does to manifest His works and for His glory. Today, you may be in a situation that seems not optimal, a situation that seems not understandable and simply not “fair” to you. You may even, as my mother, feel like you are being punished for something. Just keep your eyes on the picture in a picture and watch where it leads. God may just allow us to see the here and now, the picture in a picture, but He's alive and well and active in the BIG screen/scheme/picture He calls our lives!

EDIT: A friend came over today and we got to talking about God. I watched as she cried when she mentioned her now 30-something son who is basically in the same situation as my brother, institutionalized, only child-like functional. She said she felt she should have never of prayed for his life with seeing how it turned out for him, basically like my brother, from meningitis. I told her the same story above that I have told you and she had the same response as my mother, never entertaining the thought that God had actually spared them from something like a wild child.

And as a side note, any mother or father who has a wild son, dare devilish son, like my almost 20-year-old, KNOWS exactly the stress and worry I speak of!

Blessings,

John 3:30