What She Saw

God, please tell me this isn't real.  How can they do this?  What has He done to them? All He did was speak truth and heal and bless, and now they are in there screaming at Him!  I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest, and I catch myself worrying that the Pharisees will somehow hear it and come after me again.  They were so angry that day...the hate in their eyes made my blood run cold.  I think they would've arrested Him on the spot, had they thought they could get away with it.  Some of the men with Him looked tough enough...maybe that deterred them.  I just know they looked at me with a spite that made me want to run away and hide forever.  And though I couldn't understand why, I knew they wanted me dead. 
 
All I could do was go home and try to pick up the pieces of my life, try to figure out what had happened.  I walked around the house staring absently through eyes blurred by tears...the pain of loss and upheaval ripping at my heart like the crowd had ripped my clothing.  I glanced down at the holes in my tunic and fear suddenly seized me again. 
 
I pulled the tattered garment around my shivering body and sank into a small window chair, my eyes falling upon a sketch on a nearby table.  Will I ever see Ben again? I wondered.  The lump in my throat grew as I recalled the night before when they'd come...so many of them at once...the blinding light, the voices...the anger...and then they were dragging Ben away.  The look on his face as he looked back that last time…I could've sworn he mouthed, “I'm sorry…”  Sorry for what?  What did he mean?  The questions were coming way too fast.
 
The crowd is yelling again.  I wish I could see more, but I don't dare come too far out into the open.  I wish I could talk to Him one more time.  I can't get His face out of my mind…the kindness in His eyes as He raised me to my feet and asked me those simple questions, “Woman, where are your accusers?  Has no one condemned you?”  And all I could choke out was, “No one, Sir…”
 
No…oh, no…this cannot be happening.  I could've sworn I just heard the word “crucify”.  Surely they can't be thinking of… no!   I have to get to Him!  I have to tell Him how much His kindness means to me…how it has changed everything...how I…oh, please, God, please…just give me one more chance to talk to Him…