Bernie Black – Brave Little Bear

1 MOMENT IN TIME

2 PEOPLE'S LIVES FOREVER CHANGED

3 OBJECTIVES TO CONQUER

Jenny Baxter tells the story of Bernie Black – a typical nurse and hard-working mother of three. Typical, that is, until you realise she is only 30 and has a 14 year old son. . .

In all her life, 16 year old Bernie Kennedy had never been so distraught as at that moment. The stupid thing had burst. She rolled to sit on the edge of the bed and buried her head in her hands. If only she could turn back time five minutes!

Looking around Dave's room she felt her innocence fall off – never to be restored. Having made a Christian commitment only weeks before, she couldn't believe she had compromised her morals this far.

She thought back to the previous year when she had sat with her friends on the grassy slope overlooking their school. News was, one of the seniors was pregnant. “What would you do?” they whispered amongst themselves. Could you ever finish school? Who would look after the baby? Would you have an abortion? No, they decided, we Catholic girls couldn't do that – you would have to get your mom to look after the baby.

Bernie recalled that conversation vividly. She thought of it that evening when she and Dave went to ask the after-hours doctor for a morning-after pill. So degrading. He made them feel terrible. Ashamed. Dirty.

Falling into Dave's arms after

completing the test,

they cried together

Then, when two weeks overdue, they decided to buy a pregnancy test kit. It was agonising. Aware of the whispers and stares of the other women, Bernie kept her eyes to the ground, barely looking to pay the right money. Falling into Dave's arms after completing the test, they cried together. Things weren't supposed to happen this way!

Hanging onto hope

Christians everywhere face their sinfulness in a disturbing way at some point in their lives. Paul's words ring true: “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do” (Rom 7:15). For Bernie, coming face-to-face with this reality happened when she was just 16 and a brand new Christian. The burden was heavy, the judgement strong. Some even suggested an abortion, but Bernie was resolute in her determination not to follow that path.

Eventually, Bernie found a place of hope. “Despite the opposition I encountered,” she recalls, “I began to think if I was able to finish senior high school then I could be an example for other young moms. This gave me the motivation to succeed. Gradually this motivation turned into a real hope.”

Bernie set herself some goals – she would become a great mom; complete her study and become qualified; and write a book for other teenage moms who, like her, longed for a measure of hope.

Trial and error

Only eight weeks after Damien was born, Bernie began her senior high schooling at an Adult Education Centre offering crèche facilities. Contrary to her school friends' idea, she decided it was important not to depend on her mother as she completed her education. Nevertheless, Bernie was well supported during this time both by her family, and Dave who was a devoted father. He came most days before and after school to help care for Damien. Successfully graduating two years later, Bernie then began a full–time Bachelor of Nursing, again using local crèche facilities.

‘Bernadette' means ‘brave little bear'

Once Bernie began College, Dave suggested they move in together. However, Bernie felt this could be a mistake. “I didn't feel good about it and knew God had a better plan for me,” Bernie confesses. “It went against everything when I signed a lease with Dave.” The trial turned sour quickly. “After about three months of living together, we argued more than enjoyed each other's company . . . so we decided to go back to our respective homes.” Damien was nearly three when Bernie and Dave went their separate ways.

New love

It wasn't long before Bernie encountered Steve Black, the man of her dreams. From the beginning Damien loved having Steve around. At the same time he continued visiting Dave fortnightly. “I always made sure Dave could drop in and spend time with Daim,” tells Bernie. “It was weird, because personally I wanted to move on. But as Damien's dad, he will always be part of my life.”

Two years after graduating from nursing, Bernie and Steve married. Bernie reminisces, “I can still remember Damien saying, “Mommy, how long until we marry Dad?” It was always our wedding, the three of us, not just Steve and I.”

Bernie discovered she was expecting again a year or so later. The emotions surrounding this pregnancy were unanticipated. “It was so different having a baby as an adult,” Bernie reflects. “The main thing I noticed was that I didn't have to put up with society's judgements. It also made me realise how unfairly targeted young parents really are.”

A daughter, Baeleigh, arrived safely; and a couple of years later, younger son Flynn came along. Bernie diligently maintained Damien's visits to see Dave, and when the Black family moved to Tasmania , flew him back to Victoria during school holidays. Bernie is clear, “We have always sought to keep a very amicable relationship with Dave and his family. We always keep Damien's interests first.” She has become a great mom.

Brave Little Bear, was finally launched in

October 2006 by the

Tasmanian Minister for Health

Learning to forgive

Bernie's final challenge, the writing of a book to encourage other young moms, turned out to be much more difficult than anticipated. During her teen pregnancy, some were convinced Bernie would never amount to anything and the words spoken left terrible scars. She suffered the weight of soul-destroying bitterness and unforgiveness. She confides, “I tried to write the book (unsuccessfully) for seven years. It was only after I forgave certain people I was able to . . . see past the emotions and conquer those words said to me.”

Brave Little Bear, was finally launched in October 2006 by the Tasmanian Minister for Health, The Honourable Lara Giddings MHA. The book carries endorsements from well-known Australian celebrities Marcia Hines and Marina Prior.

Speaking God's message

These days, Bernie is a sought after speaker, travelling frequently to schools, churches and community groups. She tells her story, encouraging young people to make good choices. “Each time I speak, I hope to connect with young people and their carers, speaking God's message of life based on biblical principles, often in a secular environment.”

Parents, carers, teachers, youth group leaders and those in the medical fraternity – take note! It is critical to prepare our young people to be focussed, responsible and discerning adults, even if they do become parents earlier than would be ideal. Bernie smiles at the thought, “The best things parents can do is offer support and love. Love your kids no matter what.”

Bernie's life has become a powerful example of someone who can overcome the odds, but more, she knows her life can place a stamp on future generations. “It is crucial,” emphasises Bernie, “that as a young country we establish a great backbone for the future.”

*Some names have been changed to maintain privacy.

For more information about Bernie, to get help for pregnant teens, or to purchase her book, visit www.bravelittlebear.com.au

Jenny Baxter is the editor of Christian Woman magazine (Australia/New Zealand).

www.christianwoman.com.au

This article was first published in the March/April 2008 issue of Christian Woman.