Dear Blue,

I am having a really hard time with my wife. It seems I can never do enough to make her believe I love her. It isn't like I don't want to show her—I really do. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know practical things to do to—you know, the little things. Am I making sense? I'm really hoping you have some suggestions.

Romantically Challenged in TN

Dear Challenged,

Here's a list I created for romance-challenged husbands. I hope you will find it both practical and workable, and maybe even a little bit challenging.

Find out as much information as you can about her.

You can't please her until you know her. By that I do not mean a shallow knowing; I mean get to know what makes her tick, what she truly loves, what makes her smile. Once you have learned all about her, you will be equipped to create “the little things” that go such a long way toward expressing your love.

Don't count out the practical.

Very simple and practical means of communicating that you care can carry a lot of weight. Expending your time and energy to take on a chore she would normally have to do, just for the sake of taking the load off her shoulders, is a great way to show affection. Remember to do these little services without overtly calling attention to them. Nothing unravels an act of kindness like trumpeting it to the world.

Give her your time.

Even in small increments, time is one of our most valuable resources. Your wife is aware of this, and will appreciate that she is worthy of yours. Sometimes it's those little five-minute periods of togetherness that are remembered for a very long time.

Employ the element of surprise.

Life can get to be pretty dull and predictable, especially for a busy wife and mom. Remember: things don't have to be boring to be mundane, so don't be lulled into thinking your family's “busy-ness” denotes excitement. Be on the lookout for ways to do the unexpected. This can sometimes take the form of gifts, particularly those you create yourself or procure in inventive ways.

Get creative.

You don't have to be an artist to tap into your innate creativity. So you aren't Tennyson. You can still put your heart into words in brief little notes that may or may not include rhyme. Trust me when I say that any message in a bottle from her beloved will make her heart skip a beat. You aren't Picasso, either, but you can draw a stick figure guy kissing a stick figure girl with a little heart off to the side. Don't laugh—actually she might laugh but she will love it.

Cover your wife and your marriage in prayer.

This is one of the most important gifts you can give to your wife. Let her catch you praying specifically for her, and as often as possible pray with her. Few things strengthen a relationship more than shared conversations with the Heavenly Father who joined you together.

The showing of love to our spouse is perhaps one of the most important areas where there is a great need for seeking the guidance of our great God. My prayer is that you both develop a lifelong habit of asking, seeking, and knocking.

In Him,

Blue

Contact Blue with your questions at: feedback@heartbeatthemagazine.com