BRAND NEW…

BUT NOT EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR ©

I kept my eye on the only box under the tree that was not wrapped by me. It was Christmas morning 1977, in the cold and snowy mountains of northern Pennsylvania . The setting was our tiny, tiled floored apartment on the back of the church. Be it ever so humble it was home to my pastor-hubby and our little family. The gift that my eyes were glued to lay flat on the cold floor under the back of our Charlie Brown tree. It stood out as if it was neon. It had obviously been wrapped by a department store and not in my recycled stash from the year before.

Like one of the children, rather than the mother, I tried to keep my attention on what the children were opening. I wanted to enjoy their every scream of delight, but anticipation was killing me. That large package had not been there when I readied everything for Christmas morning, late the night before. Finally, all was opened, the children were playing, and my husband lovingly handed me the package. He had tears in his eyes, as he told me how much I meant to him, and how the Lord had supernaturally provided, above our meager means. He gently kissed my forehead. Anticipation abruptly gave way, as I tore the red ribbon from the box and lifted the lid.

I could have cried! I struggled to hide the disappointment that was welling up in my stomach and taking over my every expression. I mumbled something about “…trying it on later…” and loosely replaced the lid. A full length white wool coat, with an oversized, pure white fur collar!! What was he thinking? It wasn't that I was ungrateful, but you have to understand. We were poor. I was not into furs. Simple and plain were synonyms of my name. I had a drooling baby on my hip every day, with a toddler glued to my skirts, having 10 to 15 seizures a day. Our house was attached to the church, so I had no need for a church coat. A coat, yes, but this one was sure to be caked with graham crackers and snot before this simply-not-Barbie-housewife could get to the grocery store. Not exactly the gift I wanted.

I also remember the gift my darling got me a few years later. A microwave! Do you know how many outfits he could have got with that money? My hand-me-down, frumpy preacher's wife wardrobe was so in need of a facelift. And I get a brand new microwave! Not exactly what I asked for! I was sure I would never use it, but it has absolutely become a tool that my fast paced life style would struggle to do without.

Don't get me wrong, I have grown up, and in honor of my darling, he gives countless and wonderful gifts. (I now know that he saw my face, the most beautiful woman he knew, sticking out of that white fir in the store, not a mannequin's.) But aren't there times in real life, when you sometimes just wish you could get something brand new, that you asked for, or really wanted?

Recently, I got some brand new not-from-my-husband gifts. Quite unexpectedly, right before Thanksgiving and Christmas, I got a brand new steel rod in my leg, a shiny new walker, and a sleek new wheelchair. What was God thinking? In less than thirty seconds of a normal Saturday morning, in the comforts of my own home, in the busiest season of the year, my life was totally changed by something brand new, and not exactly what I wanted.

Been there? I'm sure you have, and what is more relevant, I am sure we will all be there again. And I've had plenty of ponder time to think about this with my leg on the pile of pillows in front of me.

What kind of gifts does God give? Is it always what we asked for? Of course, we would all like to remember the separating of the Red Sea , the floating ax head, the lock-jaw of the lions, the miracle of the loaves, the water turned wine, and the loosing of Lazarus! But in reality, we all know that we don't always get the ‘brand new' thing, revelation, or gift that we would like. We know that Father knows best, and that if it had not been for the goodness of the Lord, we would've been destroyed.

In those pre-ambulance moments, flat on the cement of my patio, I cried out for God. I wanted to see Him. Really see Him for just one second. In my pain, I knew that if I could see the pools of compassion in His eyes…if I could feel the warmth of His hand, touching me…if I could hear His audible “Peace, Be still”...I knew that instantly I would have stood and walked and His glory would have been revealed. He was there, but I didn't get what I wanted. Yes, His pools of compassion saw me, but I did not feel His physical touch. Though not in an audible voice, He spoke peace. And then He gave me a rod, a walker and a wheelchair that I never asked for.

In a much more spiritual tone, Exodus 33 records a time when Moses asked the Lord for something specific and God denied him, and gave him something else.

Moses said to the LORD, "See, you have said to me, 'Bring up this people'; but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, 'I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.' Now if I have found favor in your sight, show me your ways, so that I may know you and find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people." He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." And he said to him, "If your presence will not go, do not carry us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people, unless you go with us? In this way, we shall be distinct, I and your people, from every people on the face of the earth."

The LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing that you have asked; for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name." Moses said, "Show me your glory, I pray." And he said, "I will make all my goodness pass before you, and will proclaim before you the name, 'The LORD'; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But," he said, "You cannot see my face; for no one shall see me and live." And the LORD continued, "See, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock; and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by; then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back; but my face shall not be seen." Ex 33:12-23

Moses knew that he could not go on without God's presence, and that His presence would distinguish him from his enemies, but he wanted something new. Brand new. He wanted to see God's glory, all of Him. He was weary and longed to see Him face to face. God knew that that revelation would consume him.

So God told him to be ready in the morning, and stand in the cleft of the rock. God would pass before him, and cover him with His hand, so that he would not see His face, but he would be able to see His back, the evidence that He was there. He would see more of God than He had ever seen before. He would not only know His presence, but his eyes would see the evidence. If he was ready in the morning, and clung to the rock, He would see all of God's goodness. Brand new…just not quite what He asked for.

Today, we are on the brink of a new year and a new season in God. These are tough times. Days of shortage, strife and suffering that touch every household. While we may have asked to avoid the tough times, God is about to reveal all the brilliance of His goodness and His sovereignty in the face of them. To Him, our struggles, just like the graham crackers and snot, do not dim the radiance of His bride clothed in all of His goodness. He knows what He is doing. We cannot please Him without faith, and faith is the evidence of what is not seen. While this is not the time to see the glory of His face, it is the season of His goodness.

For too long, we, the bride, have pleaded for the hard times to end, strained to understand suffering, and struggled to trust amidst the reality of life. This year, let us position ourselves and cling. Although it may not be exactly what we've asked for, we are about to see a brand new revelation of His goodness, which will someday soon, unveil His glory, and we shall see Him face to face.

“Oh how abundant is thy goodness, which thou has laid up for those who fear thee, and wrought for those who take refuge in thee, in the sight of the sons of men!” Ps. 31:19

Susan Chapman Brown

Arising to Excellence Ministries

www.Arisingtoexcellence.org

susan@arisingtoexcellence.com