Hi! My name is Virginia ( name has been changed) who is a believer in Jesus Christ. Prior to Jesus entering my life, I struggled with various addictions. I don't blame others or the environment I lived around because these were my choices even if there were external influences in making these choices. My life started out in a home with two alcoholic parents and without the presence of God. The first seven years appeared fairly normal from what I knew normal to be. However, I noticed a significant difference following my dad's return from Vietnam. He was no longer the same dad. Life had changed from a home of orderliness and peace to chaos and abuse.

During the first Christmas in this new home of chaos and abuse, I thought I found what would become my “savior.” My dad gave me and my brother a glass of wine. Once I tasted the wine, I knew this was “it.” The enjoyment I found in that glass of wine was enough to help me forget what was going on at home. I found something I could enjoy in life. I drank a few more glasses and with it came what seemed a means to make all my worries disappear. My parents left the room to fight. So I proceeded to polish off the bottle and fill it with water like I had seen my mom do numerous times. Beginning from this point forward, I began to use alcohol as a means to bring me comfort and a way to escape and cope with life.

My parents divorced a couple years later. My mom decided to move us back to California. This ended up giving me virtually no relationship with my dad. Then I faced another traumatic experience. My mom was passed out drunk. I helped myself to her vodka and took a bath. While wearing my robe, it caught on fire while I was cooking dinner. I was admitted to the hospital overnight for third degree burns. I was in a room with three ladies. Each one died that night. This was a pivotal moment in my life. I was convinced I was bad luck. Even to the point that these three ladies died because of my bad luck. As a result, I started having panic attacks. They continued to the point where I started experiencing sleep deprivation. Having burns combined with being overweight and smart, I was unmercifully teased by other children in my life. I was prescribed Valium by a physician for many neuroses. Alcohol became my king and Valium my queen. Things were good as long as I took enough pills or drank enough. That is until it wore off.

When I was 12, my mom began her journey of sobriety from alcohol. During the summer of 7 th and 8 th grade, I ended up losing weight and started wearing makeup and became a tall, blond, attractive teen. It became evident that if I looked good on the outside others would accept me. So starvation and taking speed became a normal way of life for me to keep this appearance.

About the time I turned 18, my dad, who I have had no relationship with, ended up dying of a heart attack unexpectedly. I was more hurt and looked for more ways to ease the pain. I was relieved he died knowing I wasn't going to get hurt anymore by him. I did not cry when he died. I added more messages of how horrible of a person I was in not being devastated with his death. Somehow drinking helped me come to the point of crying to let my feelings out. So I would help myself cry by drinking constantly over the next three years.

As life continued, I gained many friends and became known as the “party girl” and lived at the happening place. I had no boundaries. Anything goes mentality at my place. With no boundaries put in my life, I did not have any expectations of others either. Life was all about partying – sex, drugs and alcohol. I didn't care who I hurt or how my actions affected others. I figured as long as I was never going to get married or have kids then what did it matter. I wasn't hurting anyone. Talk about convincing myself in being okay with living this way. The message that kept me in denial was “Hey, I look great so everything is just fine in life.”

I am not proud of my life. I had two abortions and contracted a sexually transmitted disease by the time I was 20. I felt no remorse for the abortions when I had them. Since I made a choice never to believe in God, I didn't need to live by a moral code of ethics. You may be asking yourself, “How could a girl who didn't go to church know what a relationship with God would require?” My grandma lived by example of what it is to walk with Jesus in her life. She was a very strong Christian and had been a fine example for me while I was growing up. She never gave up on me. She loved me when I was completely unlovable. I would show her that I loved her by going to church with her on the “big” holidays. So I learned enough to know what was required.

I hit bottom at 21 with drinking alcohol in abundance and using cocaine daily. I was hospitalized three times that year. I attended my mom's 10 th AA birthday party while still loaded from the night before. All of a sudden the God I didn't believe in revealed to me that I had a problem and was in need of help. I recall hearing the words that “if I didn't stop that I was going to die.” This was the start of my finding hope. I attended my first meeting a few days later. I went 89 days with continued abstinence and sobriety before going on a three day bender. The only thing I did right during this time was not drink or use. I was attending meetings for all the wrong reasons – to meet guys and socialize. I did not believe in the words hanging on the wall before me. I did go back out because I was not serious about getting the help God was putting before me.

By the grace of God, I made it back to recovery. I became serious in letting God work on my life and the issues causing me to drink and use. God placed some really important people in my life. They provided the help and encouragement I needed to take this journey of recovery. God started peeling away the layers of hurt, mistrust, resentment and pain I had built up around my heart. He was beginning to change me even before I knew Him. The thing that helped me the most was accepting opportunities to serve in different capacities at meetings. Service was a big factor in navigating my recovery as it took me out of myself and put the focus on how can I be of help to others and to this program that is helping me. I wanted to give back what had been so freely given to me … UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE! Then I took the next big step of working through the process of healing for me that God used through working these 12 steps.

It took a while to understand who this Higher Power truly was. It sounds corny but I put my trust in my truck until I was in an accident and needed to find a new higher power. I started looking at every religion except Christianity. I did go to Calvary Chapel and recognized the same Spirit helping me to recover was in this church. I knew immediately this Higher Power is Jesus Christ. I started attending church and reading the Bible but looking back knew I was a lukewarm Christian. I started looking for a Christ centered recovery program and could never find one that best suited me. I continued going to secular meetings until I was told about Celebrate Recovery by my sister-in-law. I started attending and have grown in leaps and bounds in my recovery but more importantly in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I immediately felt at home with this group and asked how I could be of service. I have been a co-leader of different small group meetings and 12 step study groups. I am part of the ministry team as the Encourager coach and I pioneered our groups Newcomer 101 with another individual.

The strangest thing I discovered when first attending Celebrate Recovery was I did not have my act together as much as I thought. I had 16 years of recovery and was walking with the Lord. When I started using the Celebrate Recovery material, God revealed to me I still had a whole lot of work needing to be done in my life. That it is really a life-long process of growth and restoration. My favorite scripture comes from Isaiah 1:10 “Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you in my victorious right hand.”

I am now married and have two wonderful children. We have our problems and have dealt with health issues, separation, adultery, financial problems, communication problems, trust issues and just about anything imaginable. Yet through all these trials, I see the blessing of God helping me to walk through them today and how He did before I ever knew Him.